…because someone needs to.
aaron
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Homepage: http://jesuslovesgeeks.com
Jabber/GTalk: Justadrumer
Posts by aaron
How to Give your Cat a Pill
Feb 15th

The following is courtesy of an email that a friend sent me that (literally) had me laughing so hard I had to stop reading (thrice). Enjoy. (Please note this is not an invitation to send me fwds, if you think it is then may you be slapped in the face with a carp and may God have mercy on your soul. Thank you.)
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill
in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle
cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to
hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1
beer to take taste a way. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill
down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving
to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with
garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
Conversely (and for the sake of completion)…
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air
Trench Warfare
Feb 5th
Many of you may have noticed my abusive fascination with photographs. Thanks for noticing.
Being a cat lover (my cats Hanzel and Grettle read this blog often..side note: pets actually account for about 1/3 of my total traffic at BAI), I am fascinated by funny cat photos. This makes me a purr-fect fan for the icanhascheezburger website. Funny stuff…wish I could make a living off of something like that…sheer genius. (shameless plug: Hey ican, use my cats! I’ll even start posting more pictures of them!
Anyway, I found this photo on flickr and noticed that icanhascheezburger had used it recently.
…stay on target…stay on target!!!
Enjoy.
the Language Barrier – Why Learn a Second Language
Jan 29th
I have a small insult calendar on my desk that gives me an insult a day (a gift from my boss, I do enjoy a good insult)…to the point though. Today’s insult was from the writer Willy Rushton and reads:
German is the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.
Now, I must disagree with Willy here, because I feel that the German language sounds like trying to cough up a non-vital organ or the better part of a burger that has been caught in your throat (sorry for the disgusting mental imagery). However, it did get me thinking about the need for learning a second language.
Most everyone at some point in time has taken a bit of foreign language. I took 2 semester in High School and one in college, until I learned that when pursuing a Civil Engineering degree it is only necessary to speak Engineer-eze (a combination of math and geek speak, which is a foreign language unto itself). I also feel that most everyone will be approached with a situation at sometime when knowing a foreign language is useful. If not the entire language at least know how to say “cheese” (queso), for when you go to the really good Mexican restaurants. Even though knowing how to say cheese is probably the most useful word in most languages, you should probably go a bit further.
Not too long ago, my wife and I went to Texas and it was awesome to meet her friend who had been taught both Spanish and English from birth. I honestly felt dumb, and for those of you who know me you realize how rare that is. I knew when they were talking about cheese in Spanish but got lost quite often in the rest of the conversation. Even before that, my wife and I desired to learn a second language…I have tried out a few online sites and podcasts but I am actually anxious to try out the Rosetta Stone software. The main question is why? So here is a small list of reasons why you should to learn a second language.
1. Not everyone speaks English..if you have ever called a tech support line you are painfully aware of that. Just face the facts. If you want to communicate effectively with people then you need to speak the same language. This is also why men and women don’t communicate well…the language barrier. I’m not sure what we both speak, but it’s definitely not the same…I must digress. I would also like to take this opportunity to completely skip over all issues related to illegal immigration in America and how it effects the United States in social and economic ways. Thank you.
2. Better Pay and more job opportunities. Jobs simply tend to pay better if you can communicate in more than one language… Again with tech support I’m not even sure if you have to speak it well. Most jobs are willing to pay more if you are bi-lingual. In fact, job applicants get can expect on average 27.43% better pay if they can speak a second language in most cases (yes…I just made this statistic up, but it sounded good right?). Want some more incentive about jobs just check out listing on Careerbuilder.com or see this article at Career Ramblings on the need for bilingual employees in the U.S.
3. You just sound smarter. That’s right, if you can flip back and forth between languages you sound much more intelligent, especially since no one else know what the hell your saying at times… Even speaking Pig Latin can help. As a side note, I should mention that it also helps you seem more intelligent if you can speak your own language correctly. Seems to be a lost art now.
4. You won’t look like an idiot when visiting a foreign country. This kind of goes along with number 4 but in a different way. Tell you what go to Germany and try to communicate with the locals. While your there, don’t be too surprised when you find out someone just charged you $100 instead of $1 for the authentic lederhosen you bought. Also, you won’t be seen as the dumb tourist and you’ll earn a lot more respect from the locals if you can communicate in the language native to the land.
5. It will help you with the ladies. Especially if they don’t speak English. Then again maybe that is what you want, a date that won’t talk much. Either way, I can’t really prove this, so just take my word it’s true and we will move on.
6. You might challenge yourself and learn something. Now I realize that actually wanting to learn something is a foreign concept to most people..heck look at mySpace for more than 10 minutes and you will be sure that the pursuit knowledge ended long ago is is no longer taught in schools.
7. Confusion. If none of that made any sense or if you just don’t care, just read this funny shirt and have a good laugh. You’ll feel better and your mind won’t hurt…like it would if you tried learning another language.
Effective Bowling Advertising
Jan 19th
bowling advertising, originally uploaded by justadrumer.
So I went to “Thunder Alley” today, a bowling alley (just in case you couldn’t tell from the name) in Dickson, TN. I seem to be completely infatuated with advertising so I read or look at most print ads/ posters to see what they are doing…..
Tough, rugged bowlers, outdoors and in from of mountains while wearing khakis an polos or button-ups…well, it makes me laugh more than anything. Seriously, How effective is this in getting people to watch bowling on ESPN? Or maybe it’s for a new outdoor mountain bowling league…with reality TV now you never know what is happening.
Awesome Takes Practice
Jan 8th
It seem with time being so valuable these days, I have to balance between work (to continue to live in the manner in which I am accustom) and being awesome…I’m awesome at work too but, that’s a different story. I feel those of you who may in fact be “cool” but not yet “awesome” would benefit from reading this book I found…
It is important to practice”being” awesome. Some day you may just be able to “be” awesome…keep working at it.
I also love the title of the authors other book “If God Loves Me, Why I Can’t I get my Locker Open.”
Enjoy
New Years Resolutions are worthless
Jan 1st
New Years Resolutions are worthless. I say that…I pretty much believe it too. Personally, I haven’t made a New Year’s Resolution since 1993, when in a stroke of genius, I made a resolution to never make another New Years Resolution….I find it quite ironic overall but whatever. So here I sit…”resolution free since ’93″ to borrow a phrase from Ted on How I Met Your Mother. Seems I have found some guys on YouTube that agree with me, well for the most part:
I guess I have just felt making them was worthless. If you see something in your life that needs changing, don’t wait until the new year to do it… Unless of course, your wanting to quit procrastinating so much… then by all means wait. If you have to make a resolution then resolve to be awesome instead…otherwise just forget it because your probably wasting your time….
Sad Christmas Postcard
Dec 27th
I saw this a few days ago on Post Secrets. (psssst!..for those who don’t know, Post Secrets is a website where people send in anonymous postcards with their secrets on them…interesting stuff.) It made me a bit sad as well because I know people who fit this card. Heck, I suppose at times even I fit this card…luckily for me, when I get sad, I just stop that and… well you get the point.
On a side note, I have a ton of content in my draft section…expect to see it soon.
Be Awesome Instead and happy new year.
Charlie Brown Christmas Scrubs Style
Dec 23rd
In honor of my favorite Christmas TV special and one of my Favorite TV shows (Scrubs) I wanted to make sure all of you had seen the voiced over version of a Charlie Brown Christmas performed by the cast of Scrubs…I love the beat box part. Classic. On the downside do you really have to end the whole thing with a “Happy Holidays”? I mean serious..it it that bloody difficult to say “Merry Christmas”?
Enjoy… AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!



How Dean Hunt and Buzz Marketing Are Affecting My Sanity
Jan 23rd
Posted by aaron in Marketing
2 comments
Killer Bunny?, originally uploaded by justadrumer.
I do spend a lot of time reading. More blogs than book lately ,but I will get to that a little later. I consider it quite sad that when doing things that involve, well not reading blogs or even being near a computer for that matter, cause me to be reminded of blogs I read. Like this carton of chocolate milk (mmmmm…chocolate.)
I’ve been reading Dean’s blog for a while and always enjoy what he says and how he says it. However, Damn you Dean Hunt for of your cleverly thought out marketing schemes and making me think of killer bunnies while enjoying my refreshing , yet small, carton of milk.
However, I suppose that is the point, buzz marketing does not necessarily have to involve your product. It does have to make you constantly associate something with that site (or person..whatever). Dean would be the buzz marketing guru to answer that… I’m just guy who makes sarcastic and sometimes insightful comments. Awesome comments, but I digress.