Jesus loves geeks
…because someone needs to.
Join a Real Band
Apr 29th
I enjoy punishing myself through fruitless side projects. One that I truly love and thought was going to be far more popular than it turned out was my Rock Band/Guitar Hero parody (real band) site joinarealband.com.
I made it because I am an actual drummer and the game kind of annoyed me at first… let me take that back, the people who loved the game annoyed me. The games are actually quite fun, despite the lag of where actual notes and beat should be played (I’m not alone). But I found it annoying how proud people were to be great at this game when with probably just a little work they could have been good at the real thing.
Despite it’s current un-popularity, it was pretty enjoyable to make. Especially some of the little subtle comments and graphics. I wanted it to be humorous, but fairly PG rated, which if you know a lot about about the rock star lifestyle isn’t really that easy. Either way, my parody hero Darren Barefoot inspired the idea with his ever so clever parodies iCryptex and Get a First Life. Now sure this isn’t the only parody of the game in town, possibly just the worst publicized one. Rock band jokes like college humor’s roadie hero,and the accordion hero game made me laugh endlessly in fact. Then my favorite web comic XKDC chimed in on the Rock Band situation and I knew for sure I wasn’t alone.
But honestly, what did I expect… once people start making t-shirts making fun of the situation it usually means the market is flooded.
Case in Point:
I heard something about an Awesomeness Motivational Poster?
Jan 16th
So glad you asked. If you have ever watched the TV show How I Met Your Mother you would probably know that Barney (a character on the show) had commissioned an “Awesomeness Poster” to be made. On the poster, the motivational phrase was “When I get sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.” I was sad, because this became my motto to live by but I could not find the poster anywhere. So I commissioned my own to be made. You can find it here. If you want even more information on this amazing poster check out this article on Barney’s Awesomeness Motivational Poster.
Cat Humor – The Mechanic
Nov 20th
Not to sure where the picture came from but bravo to whoever took it. Cats are already funny(see: How to Give Your Cat a Pill)… Cats posed as a mechanic, even funnier. The other plus side here is no caption. LOL Cats can be funny but occasionally it’s nice to imagine your own caption.
From what I can gather, this cat is probably working on the CATalytic converter. I’ve also heard that because cats are cute they tend to overcharge for parts and labor thinking you’ll be too distracted. In addition it seems the closer you are to a cat the less intelligent you become. On the plus side though, if you let a cat work on your car the engine will really purr.
It Is About Time: Microsoft Retires Windows 3.x
Nov 6th
Many of you may have missed the news due to some sort of election that was held recently, but on November 1, 2008, Microsoft officially stopped issuing licenses for Windows 3.x. (story via news.bbc.co.uk). It’s EULA-gy read:
Windows 3.x required an 8086/8088 processor or better that had a clock speed of up to 10MHz. It needed at least 640KB of RAM, seven megabytes of hard drive space, and a graphics card that supported CGA, EGA and VGA graphics. Windows 3.x is survived my it children Windows 95, ME, XP and Vista (who could not be reached for comment due to compatibility issues).
I have seen reports that Windows 3.x customers everywhere are now in a state of sadness and panic. One former Windows 3.x user was detained for questioning after “allegedly” trying to bootleg the OS onto toaster ovens. Microsoft will begin forming support groups (though not technical support) for those who now believe their life is over because of the death of Windows 3.x to help them better cope with new technology.
Yes, it is a sad day indeed. Microsoft is expected to release a statement today encouraging users to make the leap and upgrade to Windows 95 and regrets to inform users looking for a loophole that the downgrade option from Vista to 3.x is out of the question.
There are reports starting to surface through the interweb that Windows 3.1 will be returning to join the rock band KISS on their new tour “Yes, Retirement Still Sucks and We Know There is Still Money to Be Made Despite Current Media Induced Economic Conditions, Part IV”.
Election Day = Leave Your TV Off For a Day
Nov 4th
Some Statesmen go to Congress and some go to hell.
It is the same thing, after all.-poet/journalist Eugene Field
If you ever wanted a good reason to enjoy the outdoors and stay away from all forms of media (ESPECIALLY TELEVISION) then election day is what you have been waiting for! I am not saying don’t vote. On the contrary, do vote. In fact walk to the polls! Enjoy being outside. Because all that awaits you at home on the television is electoral garbage. I never get so frustrated as watching this stuff. Regardless of who wins, the reporters sit there and guess, interview and ramble on for hours all while having the unrealistic expectation that I am entertained or interested.
I’m very concerned for the direction of the country…for who our leaders will be. But my life will be no better off for watching any of the major networks on election day. I will look tomorrow. See who won and go on with my life. Plus I’m playing volleyball tonight so why would I watch people who think they are important on TV when I can smash a volleyball at a high rate of speed?
Sorry… I know I have lost some of you with this. Just do yourself a favor and after you vote (if you haven’t already) do something awesome and don’t sit around watching election coverage. Let me know if you decided to do anything cool…and if you are still trying to catch up, then I am sure this will make sense.
How Useful Are Political Yard Signs
Oct 29th
Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you have seen more than a few political campaign signs. From a marketing standpoint, I truly believe these are an immense waste of time and effort. APD (Aaron’s Polling Data) suggest that approximately 0% of people have been persuaded to vote for someone because of these signs. It should also be noted that 83% of people believe them to be annoying.
Seriously, what is on any of these signs that would persuade you to vote for the candidate listed? Can you picture the conversation?
Random Driver paying attention while driving: Hey Elmer! Look at that sign!
Person with weak sales resistance (aka Elmer): Oh wow!…looks like that guy has a name… He’s got my vote for sure now.
Political campaign yard signs do absolutely nothing to influence voters minds. Why are they there? Because you want others to know what you like. It is ironic in a way, that a sign for someone else is used in such a egoistical way. Admit it, you all know that not one single person will vote for Osama or Big Mac because you had a sign in your yard. You simply wanted others to know what you liked. That is pretty much their only use… Candidates could easily spend money and advertise in better ways, I think politicians know that people live to be selfish and letting then do so encourages a person to invest more in the candidate.
Here is an alternative idea for political yard signs and our electoral process… we should still put them out but then watch to see which signs dog’s pee on the least. This person would have to be the most logical choice for office. The odd part it is that might be too close to what happens already except after the election the voters get pissed on.
If you can think of any true uses for campaign yard signage then let me know.
photo credits:
*Less is More by authorwannabe
DISCLAIMER:
No signage on this page should be taken as a reflection of my political views. I am dedicated to Awesomeness, geekiness, humor and satire. While Politics is satirical, it quit being funny long ago and I would be hard pressed to find a single “Awesome” politician. If you are a politician…I hope you get gum stuck on your shoe… or something else like that. Thank you.
Twitter is For Terrorist
Oct 27th
We constantly hear about people using twitter to promote your site and how it can be more effective than RSS but who knew about it’s dark side? You heard me correctly, now those terrorist bastards are targeting twitter. Seriously, who would have thought that twitter could be as dangerous as a bomb but it has been identified as a potential tool for terrorist.
Be careful when you tweet.
Forms of Air Pollution in the News This Week
Sep 24th
It appears that men everywhere are “potentially” in trouble now because passing gas can now land you in jail with a battery charge. I hope my wife doesn’t get wind of this… Maybe we should just have this surgeon look into things for the authorities.
Also speaking of less air pollution, it looks like Bette Midler she will be quitting touring in order to help save the planet. I completely support Bette in her decision and agree that the less of her music there is out there the better off our planet will be! Maybe some other stars will follow suit. I could list a few, but I digress.
Best Thing To Do After A Hurricane
Sep 17th
I realize that Hurricane Ike cause some damage and that is no laughing matter; however, while reading one of my favorite roller coaster blogs I came across this picture from near the Boardwalk Bullet Amusement Park in Houston Texas:
Maybe after a hurricane this is honestly the best thing to do.
Some humor, some sadness and a lot of water.
*found via the Coaster Critic but original picture from Theme Park Review Forum.
Canon In D Is Everywhere
Aug 27th
Ever wonder why songs sound the same? It’s because they are all based on Pachelbel’s Canon in D:
Rob Paravonian, comedian, musician, writer of things.
This is quite funny. Enjoy.
